Revelations and Realisations
by Darth Mannykin
Summary: Trouble brewing at Garden, and without her, Squall can't seem to move on. Taken from my other story "Mistakes", Added more content so it will have a new rating, different narative view and from here depending on the feed back, I'll add more chapters.
1. Chapter 1

He rolled over and sighed. It was just one of those mornings where he woke up feeling like utter shit. Actually, every morning he woke up feeling that way. Every morning since she left. In fact, everyday he felt that way. He placed his hands behind his head and stared at the ceiling. Plain, as was everything in his life. How did he get through these days? Three years, two months and 14 days had passed since he died inside. Since Squall Leonheart ceased to live.

He let out an angry moan as he spun his leg over the side of his bed, placing his head in his hands he slowly rubbed his tired face. What had happened in his life for him to deserve this, he thought to himself. Four years had now passed since they faced and beat the witch Ultimecia. Zell, Selphie, Irvine and Quistis were all still here at Garden and doing quite well for themselves.

Quistis had since settled down and married a senior professor, she even matured enough throughout the journey to again become a professor at the Garden herself. Her students were amongst the best Garden had to offer. And was it any wonder after she had participated in the downfall of the most powerful witch in history. He, himself was rather wealthy and highly ranked, together they put forth a joined effort to do everything they could to help keep the world at peace.

Irvine and Selphie became an item shortly after the events of that day. Everyone found comfort in someone else, and they were lucky enough to find comfort in eachother. They were rarely apart, and defiantely had their fair share of arguments. Being Selphie, she wasn't scared to voice her opinion in public. Not that that embarrassed Irvine. Just as loud mouthed and opinionated as her. But no matter what, within the hour, they were all over each other again.

Zell was Zell. Nothing had changed there. Still loud and obnoxious to most who hadn't learnt to deal with it yet. Still a 'chicken', couldn't even build up the courage to ask the girl of his dreams out yet, even if it was obvious to all around the two that she loved him just as much as he loved her. If any good came out of it though, he was very knowledgeable from all the time he spent reading books at the library just so he could stare and talk to her all day. He even applied for a job there. Many times infact. Each time he was turned down. It's a wonder how he couldn't figure out why. Library's are meant to be quiet, are they not?

Then there was Squall. He was happy once. But that was a long time ago.

He woke up the same time he had every morning for the passed three years, 4.27. He was getting worn down. He couldn't sleep anymore. He was returning to his shell he tried desperately to hide behind before everything happened all those years ago. Actually, he was passed that shell. Squall was in a cold world all of his own and honestly, what was the point of getting up anymore? He used to have a reason to get up every morning, but now he had nothing.

Squall finished the big stack of papers piled on top of his desk. This was his life now. He joined with Headmaster Cid in running and daily maintenance of Balamb Garden. It was long unrewarding hours. He enjoyed his job. Not the theory, but definately the practical. He liked spending time with the students, teaching them to be stronger, faster, all around better soldiers. But he hardly had time to do that anymore. He found himself minding less and less though. Now he could bury himself in some paper work. Hide away from the rest of the world. In fact, he could do it for days on end, never having to talk to a single soul. He welcomed his secluded world. His office was nothing special. Just a few frames on the wall, a plant in the corner. On his desk used to sit a picture of a certain someone, but that was now long gone. He got up and moved to look out the large window over looking the Quad. A lot of late students were rushing off to class.

He shook his head as he reached into his back pocket to retrieve a box of cigarettes. He pulled one out before digging into his jacket pocket to pull out a lighter. He placed the cigarette between his lips and took a deep breath as he lit the end. Shoving the lighter back in his pocket he exhaled deeply, the smoke leaving his lungs. It was just easier this way. Smoking was a bad habit, he knew that, but it was his aide for taking some of the pain inside away. It gave him the slow painful death he thought he deserved, let alone wanted. Finishing the last hit of the cigarette, he flicked it to the hard wood of his office floor, and stomped it out before readjusting his jacket and exiting through the door.

"Squall, wait up!"

He shuddered from the high pitched squeal as his name was yelled. He placed his hand to his forehead and continued walking down the corridor. He had a splitting headache and didn't feel like dealing with the pint sized spit fire today.

"Squall!" Selphie yelled again, struggling to catch up with his huge strides.

"What?" He spat as he turned around to face her, clearly annoyed at the fact he had to talk to someone.

"Geeze." She puffed, putting her hands up in surrender. "What are you doing?"

He rolled his eyes. "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm going to my dorm."

"Why?" She questioned, knowing that it would irritate him. She was getting slightly annoyed herself with his attitude. "We all know you don't actually sleep. How can you... You look like shit."

"Whatever." He growled through clenched teeth and he bagan to walk off, determined to get away from this annoyance.

Down the hall Selphie called after him, "It's time you let go!"

But he didn't need anyone to tell him how to live his life.

He leaned over the balcony, letting the cool breeze run through and ruffle his hair. He had let go. In fact, he had let go of everything. He ran his hand over the stubble growing on his unkept face before closing his eyes. It had been just over three years, two months and 14 days since Rinoa Heartilly had left his life. Without so much as a goodbye. Left, without leaving so much as a note to explain her absence from his life. And it was all his fault for being so stupid. He blamed himself for the whole mess, although he tried to place all the blame on her in his own mind. He knew the truth deep down. For two weeks straight they had been fighting, and on that night she left, they had the biggest fight they had ever had.

The day she left his love left with her. His whole heart left with her. Even if he let it go, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't deny what he felt for her. And he always would feel for her. But he had no clue where she was, what she was doing, if she had moved on. Was she even alright? These thoughts teared him down. These were the ones that buried him and dug his grave. She made him what he was today, and that would always hang over his conscience. He tried, he really did. He tried to let things go back to normal but everything just got worse. The more he tried to get out of the grave he dug himself, the more dirt that was thrown over him. He wanted to be who she made him, but how could he be when she wasn't around? He couldn't carry that on, when the only person who gave his life meaning was gone. When he felt scared or uncertain, she was there to urge him on and she didn't laugh at him because he had fears.

Squall sighed. Selphie was right, why did he even bother to try sleeping? It came, but was never enough to ease his weary, fragile mind. He smacked his hand against the railing of the balcony before exiting his room, wondering aimlessly around the Garden he called his home. It was beautiful, but he only saw it in monotones. What could be as beautiful as her? Next to her, it was just some barren wasteland. Without her in it, it was all meaningless. At this time of night Garden was practically deserted. That was of course, with the exception of one loud mouthed martial artist who come jogging from where else, but from the Library looking oddly chuffed with himself.

"Squall, come out with us tonight." He requested rather than asked.

"I don't think so." He mumbled through his gruff tired voice, barely audible.

"You need to get out more. Meet some new friends. Meet someone new."

"I don't want to meet someone new." Squall said, his voice rising with each word until he was practically yelling. "Would you guys just srop it! I'm fine being alone! It's what I want, so why don't you guys just listen to what I'm telling you!"

"Whoa..." Zell buried his hands in his pockets, looking down, scorned before leaning back slightly to raise his head. "Sorry, man."

"Sorry..." The brown hair man spoke softly as he pushed past Zell. "I just need to be alone. It's what I want, so just let me have it."

The next day happened just like every other, so were the next few days after that. Squall sighed, forcing himself to rise from his bed. He glanced over at the clock. 4.27. He lifted himself and dragged his tired body to the bathroom where he leaned against the basin, splashing water on his face before staring at himself in the mirror. He hated the way he looked. His untidy hair. His unshaven face. The scar that ran between his eyes and over the bridge of his nose. Reaching up, he trailed his rough finger down the length of it. He remembered clearly how it happened. How it had been the start of all the bad things to come, and really, he should have guessed it sooner. He hit his palm hard against the basin. When she was here, she used to make everything better. When he felt subconscious about his scar, she was always there to kiss it and take all the pain he felt away. Afterall, she had told him it was all just a part of who he was. Now all he could do was pretend it wasn't there. And then, for the first time since she had left him, a single tear slid from the corner of his eye and cascaded down his cheek. As quickly as it came he wiped it away, refusing to let himself give in to his emotions. He mentally kicked himself. He couldn't believe he was doing this, not now. Frustrated he punched the wall, feeling the bones in his knuckles give way to the force from the wall. Who was he?

He layed back in his chair, his feet resting on his his desk as he looked up at the roof. As everything raced through his mind, the main thing he could focus on was boredom. He welcomed this change in a weird way. But that boredom also let other thoughts enter his head. Closing his eyes his mind began to wonder. His face flushed a deep shade of red as he saw Rinoa, tangled and asleep in his sheets, clearly worn out after a long night they had spent together. Reaching out, he brushed the hair matted from sweat off her cheeks and behind her ear. He mentally smiled. How beautiful she looked laying there. So innocent in her sleep. Well, despite what they had just done together. But after all, they had loved eachother and in his mind, that made it all okay. And back then everything was all okay. She was his and he was hers. That was just the way it was meant to be. Sliding his hand over her bare thigh, he tingled at the touch. He loved the rush it made him feel. The way she made him feel.

He jumped bolt upright, feeling his heart skip a beat and race as his feet hit the floor. The phone rung again, and it took him a moment to register what exactly it was. Rubbing his tired eyes, he picked up the phone. Grunting in acknowledgment he stood up, steadying himself for a moment until the faint feeling passed before grabbing his jacket and making his way to the conference room. Waiting there to meet him was Headmaster Cid. They briefly shook hands. He hadn't even changed. He was surprisingly good looking for his age.

"I won't mess you about, Squall. We're both very busy people at this time of year, are we not?" He mused to himself. "Come in, take a seat." Cid led Squall into the room and urged him to sit down. Just as he took a seat, a projector clicked on and showed a picture of a burning city. "As you can tell, this is Trabia Garden, you should know it well."

Squall nodded, his mind immediately turning to Selphie. "Yeah, wasn't it recently rebuilt?"

Cid nodded, his mind clearly running at a million miles a second. "Exactly. As you can see, something is definately not right." "He laughed, a serious tone behind it. "We're still not a hundred percent sure what's going on. Communications have now been lost, and no further contact has been established. I'm sure we're only all too right to assume something is hindering a help call. Before we lost contact, chaos could be heard on the other line." Cid pressed a button, and a recording of the distress call played. Squall furrowed his brows and folded his arms. "As you can see from these survalence pictures pulled damage, at the moment, seems minute. We need to get in there before anymore harm is caused."

"So what do you propose?" Squall asked, looking him dead in the eyes. "Who's behind this? A small group of terrorist, or another big player in the domination game?"

"Well..." He laughed again, "We're not too sure." He took his glassed off and gave them a rub, before placing them back on the bridge of his nose. "While we want to assume for the best, we can't really rule out a Galbadian attack. You know they're just lying in dormant."

"So what do you want me to do?"

"Squall, I want you to lead a team. One simple objective, restore calm in Tibia before any life is lost...Or, before anymore life is lost. Just restore order by any means possible. You choose the team, I trust you'll pick wisely. Take as many people as you feel nessecary. It's all on you."

Cid gave a nod and no more really had to be said. They would soon be departing into the Garden and he'd have to be prepared. He hoped it was something major, something worth giving his life for, as terrible as that sounded to him. He reached the door and pushed through them.

"And Squall!" Cid called, "By team, I don't mean yourself." He chuckled, which could be heard even after the doors had closed. 


	2. Chapter 2

The ramp dropped and Squall walked down it, steadying his blade at his side. His fierce blue eyes forcused on the destruction infront of him, despite how minor it appeared to him. He had a job to do, and he planned on accomplishing it as fast and as thorough as possible. Just at that moment, a girl dressed in yellow ran straight passed him and into Garden, the chains of her weapon clashing together. Squall didn't really want to take anyone he knew, but who would know this place better than Selphie? Of course he had spent some time here all those years ago when they discovered how they had all grown up together, but a lot had changed since then. Through the destruction was a now proud and fully developed Trabia Garden. Selphie had visited it a lot over the years, and would know it like the back of her hand. So who else would be better to take? With his team od newly recruited SeeD candidates, he approahed Selphie.

"Selphie, explain the lay out of Trabia Garden. You two go with Selphie and snuff out any one causing trouble, and you two go tend to any injured. Keep them safe from further harm. And you, come with me. Any trouble, contact me right away. Any sign of Galbadia, call me right away."

They all saluted their commander.

"One more thing," Squall said softly, "Don't fuck this up."

They spoke in unison their acknowledgements and off they all went after Selphie did what she had to do. One SeeD remained. Following close behind Squall, obviously scared as he shadowed him. He didn't have time for lack of confidence. "What are you afraid of? Me, or war? Either answer, you've choosed the wrong profession."

The boy stayed silent. He was clearly lost for words as he stumbled to find himself. Squall looked over his shoulder. He was definately young, not unlike what he was when he first came to SeeD. Although, when he was scared, he never showed it. He thought of his first SeeD mission, how he was scared to death, but still followed every order Seifer gave him. And he enjoyed the thrill of the fight. How each monster he cut down gave him confidence. It gave him strength to bring down something so much bigger than him, something so unrelenting. He saw so much of himself in this kid, it scared him in a way. Hopefully he was some good with the weapon he was given.

"Just stick by me kid, and you won't get hurt." He gave the boy a slight reassuring smile.

As they stepped through the freshly paved streets, they saw nothing out of the ordinary, not counting the panic that was setting in and the mass of gatherers. Squall didn't understand it himself, there wasn't enough destruction to cause this much panic, yet these people were hysterical. But to the people of Tibia, this was there home, and someone had invaded their home and attempted to rob them of everything they knew. That they spent to long rebuilding. He forgot that he felt the same way during the Galbadians attack on his home. Steadying his hand on the hilt of his Gunblade they continued further into the depths of the city. Things were eerily quite, nothing seemed amiss, while at the same time something seemed wrong. He stepped forward when a shuffling of feet caught his attention. He turned around in time to hear the cry of a lone soldier as he ran towards them, just mere metres away. The boy stood their frozen, horror clearly etched onto his young face. He made no attempt to grab his weapon, or even move out the way of the deadly assault. Squall drew his weapon, the sun hitting the blade and sending a blinding gleam of light off it's shiny surface. It was clean, like it had never taken a life before when infact, it had taken too many. Squall lunged forward and the noble lion Griever etched onto the end of the blade seemed to give a roar of it's own, as he swung sideways just as the soldier was about to bring a lethal blow upon the frozen SeeD. Pulling the trigger to deliver the fatal deafening blow, the soldier fell to the ground.

Bending down Squall grabbed the soldiers shirt, wiping his blade clean before returning it to his side. Standing back up he looking at his comrade. Fear had literally frozen him solid. Placing his calloused hand on his shoulder, he gently shook him, reassuring him that it was okay. "Hey kid, I told you I had your back." He removed his hand as the kid gulped back the lump in his throat. Bending back down, Squall placed a finger to the mans neck, his heart had stopped. Looking him over, he realised there was nothing to identify him. Squall had never seen this uniform before. Shrugging, again he stood back up, signalling to get the boys attention.

"Go back, tell Selphie there are a few insurgents causing trouble and to keep her eyes out. Obviously they anticipated us being here. I don't know what their plans are, obviously they haven't harmed anyone here. Just let her know, and stick by her side. Help her out and do whatever she needs of you."

He just nodded in compliance and ran off. Squall was now alone, the way he liked it. Rubbing his forehead he continued his way into the heart of the Garden. He was glad to be rid of someone who could compromise the whole mission. He didn't want to have to baby sit anyone right now, let alone have the death of a boy on his hands at the moment as well as everything else. Raising an eyebrow, he noticed something shoot passed infront of him. It was so quick, he wondered if he was seeing things. Drawing his weapon, he held it at the ready as he cautiously stepped forward. Studying his surroundings, the only thing out of the ordinary he had noticed was the size everything was now. It wasn't the same third world Garden he was used to. It was almost in a class of it's own. His Garden was still better in his mind, but this was getting right up there.

Briefly distracted, the only thing he heard was a loud bang. Closely followed by a second. He had enough time to turn around before a metal object flew right passed his head, just barely grazing his cheek. He had just enough time for his eyes to focus on the figure before him and the gun he held in his hand before the second object, which he now knew was a bullet made contact with his thigh before exiting right through and out the back of his leg. The man fired again, this time giving Squall enough time to lift his sword and the bullet grazed off the hard metal with furious sparks and sounds. Again he fired, Squall judging and dodging again. Twice more and he was able to do the same until again the man pulled the trigger and this time, only the sound of the barrel turning could be heard. A look of horror covered the mans face as he realised he was out of bullets. The SeeD commander smirked and he ran forward, watching as the man before he fumbled around for his bullets and trying to reload his pistol, skidding to a halt he pulled the sharp steel of the blade against his clean shaven neck enough to cause great discomfort but not enough to cause any pain. Not yet atleast he thought to himself.

"Who are you and what the fuck are you doing in this town." Squall hissed at him, his rage clearly audible in his tone.

The man knew who the guy in front of him was, and knew that he was not to be fucked with. He gulped hard, causing the sword to dig in to the skin on his neck causing it to bleed. When he finally spoke, he spoke with a thick eastern accent. "I am no one. And I am here just doing what I was told."

"Don't fuck with me!" Squall barked at him. "Who do you work for and why here? What do you want?"

Barely shaking his head, the mans eyes full of fear. "I do not know who he is. We didn't speak to him directly. We only did what he told us, so he would not hurt our families. We only did what we had to do. We were only meant to take care of you or Cid. Both eventually..."

Before he could finish, Selphie and the other students burst through the door. One grabbing the guy by the arms and pulling them behind his back to restrain him. Pushing against the back of his knees, he fell to the ground. Squall withdrew his weapon, and returned it to it's side. Mentally annoyed that he'd have to clean it later. His sword was as much apart of him as his scar.

"Take him back to Balamb. Put him in a holding cell, I don't think he has much to say, but Cid may want a word with him. Let him know that he may know more than he is letting on. Also, tell him I'll breif him when I get back. Get going, now."

Feeling faint for a second, squall held his forehead, his headache had definately worsened and he couldn't make sense of any of his thoughts. The group of SeeD's finally left. The constant pounding inside his skull was beginning to drive him crazy. He was running full of adrenaline from what had just happened, but his head was a major dampener on it.

Selphie took a cautious step forward, a look of concern on her face. "Squall... You're bleeding." She whispered as she extended a cautious hand to reach up to his cheek before her eyes were downcast.

He stepped back to dodge her hand, he didn't like anyone touching him. He reached up and wiped his cheek, looking down at the blood staining his hand. What was a new fucking scar, he thought to himself in anger.

"Squall..." Selphie said again, her eyes welling with tears, "Not your cheek... Your leg."

He looked down, blood clearly staining his pants. And right as his eyes laid sight of it, an intense pain shot through his leg, causing him to keel over in pain. He knelt down, trying to regain some sort of composure. It really was mind over matter, while he hadn't noticed it, his mind had pushed the pain to the back of his mind. But now, it was almost too painful to bare. Not that he hadn't been through worse. Through clenched teeth he tried to stand. He wasn't weak, and he wouldn't be considered weak. Not in the eyes of the people who were meant to look up to him. He raised, only to stumble forward and fall again. Punching the ground, he conceeded momentarily. Selphie knelt to his side and placed her delicate hand on his shoulder in some form of incouragement, whispering under her breath that he was going to be okay.

Enraged, he pushed her hand away and forced his body to stand. "Don't touch me, I'm fine. We need to get back to Garden. We won't be leaving for a while if you want to stay behind and make sure things get back to normal." With that, he limped out of Selphies view. All she could do was watched worriedly, as he struggled to make his way back.

Squall growled as he sat on his bed. Confined to bed rest? How could anyone inforce that on him? Shaking his head he looked down at his bandaged thigh. It was a lot worse than he thought it would be, but no reason why he couldn't continue his work. He grabbed the pain killers beside his bed and shook a few from the container into his mouth, swallowing them in a single gulp. Atleast these were helping all the thoughts that were running through his head. They took some of his pain away and made him feel numb. Numb was something he could deal with. Sliding his hand through his long brown hair, he placed a cigarette between his lips and covered the end as he lit it. Exhaling the smoke through his nose, he raised from his bed and dragged his stiff leg behind him across the room. Holding the cigarette between his lips, he pulled on a white wife beater and some pants. From there he sat back down on his bed with his Gunblade. While LionHeart was definately his strongest weapon, and definately the best looking, his favourite was his Revolver. When he needed it, it always was there to save him from the tight spots. It was his first weapon, and the most dearest to him. Running his fingers down the length of the blade he felt the sharp edge, before sliding his hand over the etched lion. Feeling it fill him with strength and pride. Exhaling the smoke from his cigarette, he lifted the blade, sliding his finger to the trigger as he let the artificial light shine off the blade.

"Hungry, boy?" he mused to himself, lowering it back to his lap. "Later" He whispered, running his palm along the cold metal before standing up to return it back to it's case. Right now, he had to see Cid.

Making his way slowly towards the Headmasters office, he ignored everyone. They looked at him, congratulated him, even just said hello. But he had nothiing to say to either of them. His mind was blank, numb from the pills he had been dosing up on. For now, it was a good change. Anything to take the edge off all of his pain.

Arriving at his office, he was quick to take a seat and rest his leg, careful not to let the pain show through to Cid. He didn't want to stuck doing nothing. He tried to listen, but nothing much seemed to sink in as he sat there.

"So in summary, we don't really know who waws behind this but we are certain, the people involved were just trying to protect their family. And for certain, the people who arranged this, will definately we try something again. They want us out of the picture for some reason. Until then, we need to lay low. Not for our protection, but for the rest of Balamb Garden. Squall, you did well. I'm proud of you."

Squall found himself just nodding. It wasn't really a shock that people wanted him dead. And he didn't find himself caring. They could try all they wanted, if they succeeded, good on them. Whether he died, mattered not to him. Atleast he'd be rid of this pain. Not that he deserved a quick death, anything would be better than this. He sat as Cid continued to speak to him, but he never heard a word. He just nodded in places were he felt his agreance was necessary and kept his mouth shut.

Needing to stretch his muscles and cure his boredom, Squall found himself in the Training Area of Garden. As a SeeD in training, he had spent many hours her perfecting his art. Slicing downwards he cut down the Grat before him. He was offered a brief few seconds to catch his breath before three more appeared. He easily dispatched of them. With shrill cries they sunk into the ground, and disappeared from his view. For a good few hours, he cut down the small fry, feeling increasingly worn out. Finally, a T-Rex appeared. His leg was causing him trouble, he couldn't be agile but there was no way he was running away. He ran away from a lot of things, but a fight wasn't one. After all, that's how he received his scar in the first place. The beast towered above him, and made the first move, lunging towards him which he was able to jump back from. The ancient dinosaur let out a furious roar in the face of the lone warrior, tilting it's head to the side in confusion when Squall didn't budge. He lunged again, causing Squall to jump to the side, but the beast anticipated this and with a swing of his tail, he hit the SeeD in the stomach. The force knocked the wind out of him and sent him flying. He finally hit the ground, bouncing a few times before skidding to a halt as he hit the wall. T-Rex stomped over to him and roared again. Weakly Squall pushed himself to his feet, he wasn't going to quit. He didn't fear this beast, nor did he fear death. It could kill him for all he really cared. It snorted in his direction, then turned and left. He screamed at it, but it did not return.

Sliding his hand around his side he weakly stepped out of the Training Area. The monster had got the better of him for now, but he wouldn't let that be it. He'd hunt it, and he'd kill it for making a fool of him. Conceeding defeat he leaned against the wall, digging into his pocket before shaking some pills into his mouth. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. Just for a few minutes he thought.

When he opened his eyes, it was busy around him. He didn't know how long he had been out for, but it must have been longer than he wanted. He banged his head against the wall before pushing away and steadying himself on his feet. Slowly, but surely he reached his room. Peeling off his clothes and bandages, he headed for the shower. Turning it on cold, he stepped in. He only ever had cold showers now. Bowing his head, he allowed the cold water to run down his shoulder blades and down his back. After the long work out, and the pain from his leg and ribs, it was a welcomed feeling.

He inspected the new recruits with Cid, before again returning back to his room and replacing his Seed uniform with his casual wear. His usual black jacket with fur trimming, the black pants and other trinkets that came along with it. He reached him to the Griever emblem around his neck. A habit he had picked up from Rinoa. A bad habit, he now considered. He used to find comfort from it when she wasn't around, as she did with her rings. One hers, one his. He squeezed it tight until it left the impression in his palm. Sighing he let it go. What was the use anymore.

Cutting across the quad, he headed for his office. He was already in a bad mood, he didn't feel like bumping into anyone he had to talk to. The pain in his leg becoming unbarable, he reached into his pocket and retrieved his box of cigarettes with a lighter. Lifting the box to his lips, he pulled one stick out and lit it. Removing it from his lips he looked up, he wished it would rain for once. The rain would reflect his mood and would be a welcomed change from the unusually hot weather. Placing the cigarette back between his lips, he pushed on, trying his hardest not to show his limp, and failing miserable. Atleast with his smoke in his mouth, he could focus on that to take some pain away from his leg. Or so he hoped.

"Hey, man!"

"Damn." Squall swore under his breath. The last person he wanted to run into was the one that found him.

"What are you doing right now?" He querried again, his hopes to get Squall out from his work. Maybe to rest atleast.

Squall quickened his pace, in turn emphasising his limp. Anything to avoid answering that question. He was doing nothing, but if he had to say that, he'd get pushed into something he didn't want to do. He was sick of being treated like a child. In his haste to get away, he just barely caught sight of a woman in blue. Her long raven hair cascading down her back, just barely hiding a set of angel wings. As she turned, their eyes met. Those eyes were unmistakable, and he knew exactly who it was. Speechless, his jaw dropped, letting his cigarette fall to the ground in front of him. He felt so many things in that instanst. Happiness, love, pain, hurt. Well over three years, two months and 14 days had passed since he had last seen her face. His eyebrows furrowed as he closed his mouth, and it's agapness was replaced with a deep frown. He wasn't going to let his feelings betray him. He wasn't going to let her have the satisfaction. After everything, how could she show her face around here? What else did she want from him? She had already fucked him over, what else did he have to give?

Looking down, he placed his foot over his cigarette and stomped it out, like he hadn't seen her at all. Like if he had seen her, it didn't matter to him at all. He hadn't noticed Zell at his side.

"Squall, I think we should go, yeah?"

But he didn't really hear him, stuffing his hands inside his pockets, he had already gone. 


	3. Chapter 3

Storming down the corridor, a black cloud clearly hanging over his head, everyone obviously thought it best to not say a word to him. And it was probably the best choice they ever made. Slamming the door, Squall locked it behind him. Furious, he began to pace. Why did this have to happen to him? He had saved the world for christs sake, and he couldn't even find fucking happiness himself.

He, Squall Leonheart, was afraid of a girl.

Well, actually, she was more than a girl. She was a sorceress and he was her knight. But after she left him, was he now free of that duty? After that, he was allowed to live life the way he wanted, wasn't he? Even if that did mean he wanted to be alone for the rest of his life. He didn't really count on living that long though. He knew his number would soon be up. Especially with the way he was living. And he wanted it to come sooner rather than later. Suddenly he found himself wondering what Rinoa would think. What would she make of his life now? For starters, she'd yell and hit him for smoking, that's something he knew for certain. Would she be embarrassed for him? He was just a sorry mess.

The next few days Squall found himself hiding away in his office. And for some reason, he couldn't get Rinoa out of his mind. Things came back from how they used to be, but everything always came back to how she had scorned him. Every second it was her. It was all about her, until he couldn't even focus on his paper work anymore. He went to write, but only wrote her name. He clutched at his head, shaking it as he pulled at his hair. He wanted to forget, but that was the one thing he could never do.

Squall stumbled towards the Cafeteria, his stomach quietly grumbling. With all his brooding, he found himself forgeting to eat. He couldn't even remember his last meal, and he was starving. His stomach felt like it was eating itself, he mused to himself. He nodded to Quistis, Selphie, Irvine and Zell who was seated in the corner. They called him over, but he ignored them, opting to sit alone. He ate fast, and was soon to exit to return to his office.

Rinoa slowly shuffled her feet. She was late, and wasn't quite sure where she was. She lowered her head further. The Garden was so different to how she remembered it. Definately without a doubt partly because of him. It was a good change though. And it definately look as good as it's reputation called for. She couldn't get over the fact that he had ignored her though. Although, she couldn't be sure that he had seen her. He acted as if he didn't, but for a minute, she could have sworn he was staring straight at her.

"Sorry..." Rinoa muttered as she bumped into a strong body. She really should have been watching where she was going.

She slowly brought her eyes up and she was met with fierce, stormy blue ones. Squall. She was both shocked and mortified. His eyes were lifeless. But only she could see just about every emotion behind them, even as he tried to shield them from her. He always had that weak spot for her, from the very first moment they met. He had matured so much since the last time she had laid her eyes on him. He was definately stronger, not the boy she had known before she left. He had kept his hair how it always had been, the way he knew she liked it. She had to admit he looked good. He definately wasn't a teenager anymore. Something was different. Other than the obvious, but she couldn't quite place her finger on it in that moment. She looked at him and he only looked back with immense hate, like he was looking right through her.

She looked down briefly before looking back up at him. "Squall, I..." She began, but choked on her words. His face was so unwelcoming and cold. His eyes were what got to her the most. They were always warm when looking at her, something she had never seen him show to anyone else, but right now she thought that if his glare intensified, she may turn to stone. "Squall..." she tried again only to be met with a snort from him as he pushed passed, knocking her shoulder.

She turned around and watched his disappearing figure. She slightly tilted her head to the side in confusion as she watched him disappear until he was completely gone.

Rinoa found her mood rapidly decreasing. She was happy to be back, finally able to see everyone again. But the one person she wanted to see most, wanted nothing to do with her. She sat down at the table in the cafeteria, forcing a smile onto her face. It was good to see everyone again, but all she felt now was tired. She looked down as she began to play with her hands. "What happened to Squall?"

They were happy to see her, but Rinoa still wondered if they hated her too. But it was not something she could ask.

"What do you mean, Rinoa?" Irvine asked, gently leaning into Selphie.

"You know, I've been here for a few days and he hasn't even talked to me. He knows I'm here..."

"We don't know what you mean." They all lied in unison. Badly. The group stared at the table, avoiding Rinoa's questioning stare.

Rinoa knew she had hurt Squall when she left. But it wasn't her fault. And she wouldn't have gone if he hadn't have told her to. It was his fault. All his fault. He caused her this pain she was in. He may not have said those exact words, but it was definately implied. He wasn't the only one that was hurting.

"Come on. I know you're lying."

"Rinoa..." Selphie began.

"Please... I have to know. I need to know if he's okay." She pleaded.

"It's not exactly something pleasant to hear, you know?" Zell began, looking at everything but the raven haired girl.

"I have to know" She spoke quietly, trying to reason with them.

Selphie let out a long sigh and wondered where to begin. "Okay... When you left, Squal... he was devestated. He didn't exactly come out and say it, but being with you changed him and it was easier for us to tell than it was before."

"Selphie, what happened?" Rinoa asked, pain clearly visable in her face.

"He got worse. Even more so than before he met you. He kept telling us he was fine but we all knew he was getting worn down. He hardly slept. Hardly ate and all he did was work. We couldn't convince him to do anything with us anymore. It's like he was just giving up. That day you left, he changed... For worse."

Rinoa looked down, barely reaching up to grip the rings that hung around her neck. "I did that to him?"

"No, not you. It wasn't exactly just you. He began blaming himself again. For every little thing. He was drowning and he wouldn't let anyone help him." Quistis swallowed hard as she spoke the last words.

Selphie opened her mouth, but it took her a while for her words to come out. "We're afraid he's sunk too low to get back up."

Zell looked around, and finally plucked up the courage to ask what everyone else was too afraid to. "Hey... What happened that night?"

"Squall didn't tell you?" Rinoa leaned her elbows on the table and buried her face in her hands, taking their silence as a no. Figures, he really wouldn't let anyone help him. "Where do I start. We had been fighting a lot, as you probably remember. But the night I left we had a really big fight..." She spoke almost in a whisper as if each word pained her to say. "We were screaming at eachother. Saying stuff neither of us meant... But they still hurt. Looking back now, I guess we were both just frustrated." Resting her hands on her knees, she leant back in her chair and stared up at the ceiling, watching the fan turn around and around. "I guess it was over something so stupid. But I was so sick of it."

"What?"

"His work of all things. I was sick of him not being there, and I guess that night was the final straw... Looking back at it now, I see how stupid it was. He was just doing his job, and it was when Galbadia was causing trouble, you know? I always knew he'd be with me if he could, but he had work to do. I was being selfish, but I needed him with me. I yelled at him, told him how much of an asshole he was. How he was the worst thing to ever happen to me. He never once tried to deny it... He told me that I was getting in the way of his work, ruining his one chance of making something of himself, I remember screaming back at him. Asking him if I was such a burden, then why was I there. I still remember clearly his response... 'Good question.'" Rinoa began to choke on her words but quickly regained composure. She'd cried enough. "So I left. It was the only thing I could think to do. I was so hurt. Devestated. His feelings were clear for me then, and if I was that much of a burden for him at that point, I didn't want to be more of a burden. To him our relationship wasn't going anywhere, so I had no choice. I gave it up for him, so he didn't have to say the words I was too afraid to hear... I didn't mean to leave without saying goodbye. It just seemed easier that way. I thought it would be easier that way..."

"Why'd you come back, Rinoa?" Selphie placed her hand over Rinoa's, keeping her eyes on hers.

"I missed this place. I missed everyone here." She smiled back reassuringly.

Actually, the main reason she came back was to see Squall. But he had clearly moved on. Rinoa wondered if there was someone new in his life. If someone took her place. Replaced her. Had she really hurt him that bad? She thought that being Squall, he would just forget and move on, but maybe she really had changed him. Why did they love eachother so much? It's not like they got on that well at first. She guessed they brought new meaning to the term 'opposites attract'. But when they were together, and not fighting, it was always exciting. Everything was so perfect. He was so gentle with her, and caring. A side he showed to no one else. It was something special reserved for her. She would always lose herself looking into his eyes. They always made her feel safe and secure. She could see how he felt for her just by staring into his depths. Squall meant the world to Rinoa and that night she left, she tried to let him go but she just couldn't. She was always thinking about him, and she surprised herself how long she made it before coming back. Who was she without Squall Leonheart? Without her Knight? He had always been there to encourage her and without him she was nothing. She realised that while she was gone but now it was too late. She should have never left him but it's what he wanted and at that very moment, it's what he wanted. Well, she thought she wanted. When all alone all she wanted was him.

That's when she decided she was going to try her hardest to make things right. Even if all he did was send her away at the end of it. 


	4. Chapter 4

Rinoa shoved open the door of the second floor balcony. She had looked everywhere but here. The strong wind caught hold of her hair, blowing it in every direction before it settle down a bit. Peeling it off her face, she caught sight of a dark figure leaning over the side and staring down. She could tell from the jacket that it was Squall. He turned to look at her. Squall wondered if she knew he was contemplating jumping. He sighed, beginning to walk towards the exit, dreading the fact that had to walk passed her.

"Squall!" Rinoa pleaded.

He stopped and turned around to face her. Rinoa blinked once to make sure she was looking at him right. Everyone had been right, even in the dark she could tell he was worn down.

"What Rinoa?" He spat out with unintended hate.

"Squall, I'm sorry..."

"For what, Rinoa? Leaving without a word, or taking my heart with you? He barked.

"Don't do this." She whinced.

"Do what, Rinoa?" He asked angrily, taking a step towards her. He stopped mere inches away from her face. Rinoas gentle eyes were met with fierce determined ones.

"I never would have left if you didn't say..."

"Say what?"

"You're the one that told me to leave!" Rinoa yelled, finally snapping.

"When?"

"You're the one that said I was getting in the way of your work, you asshole!"

Growling he turned away. "I don't have to listen to this."

"Yes, you do! You do, Squall. This is something you need to hear. This isn't just about you. This was never just about you, or me. Do you think I wanted to leave?"

"Yes." He spat back spitefully.

"How could you think that?"

"How could you leaving without even saying fucking goodbye to everyone? To me?"

"Decisions were made and I don't regret what I did. I learnt so much while I was gone." She shook her head and watched him carefully.

"And I was left to pick up the pieces." Squall spoke softly as he furrowed his brows.

"Squall..."

"You left Rin... You didn't have to, but you did... You left me and that was your decision. I understand that." He bagan to say as he turned his back to the trembling girl. "Nothing you do will change the way I feel about you now. Don't you get that you killed me and now I'm trying to move on the best way that I can. You left and you had your fun. I may never move on but you hurt me. Rin... " And with that said, Squall walked away, leaving his raven haired sorceress there speechless.

Squall pushed the doors open with force. That was one of the hardest things he ever had to do, right next to accepting the love of his life had left him. It wasn't what he wanted, but his anger got the better of him. Just as it always seemed to do. That's what started this whole mess. He layed awake on bed, fully awake. He would get no sleep tonight, but what was new about that? It was just like every night, but with one exception. She was back. She was back and stirring all these emotions he tried his best to surpress. Why would she want to cause him this much pain?

Three loud knocks on his door stole his concentration. Sitting up and resting his head in his hands he called out. "Who's there?" There was no answer but instead they knocked again. Swearing under his breath he rose, limping to the door on his stiff leg, he tripped over his Griever case. He yelled out in pain, angry as it made his splitting headache worse. Eventually he reached the door, seeing the last person he thought would ever show up back at his door. It was like something straight out of his past. She had been crying and her cheeks were still stained with tears. That was the first thing he noticed. Why was she crying? He wanted to hold her, but knew he couldn't. Or atleast shouldn't. "What are you doing here, Rinoa?" he asked with anger he didn't intend to add in.

"Squall... I... I just..."

"You just what? You can't just come over here. We're not a couple anymore." Her eyes welled with tears at his last words and the moment the words left his mouth, he wished he hadn't said them at all.

Her bottom lip began to tremble and she fell into his arms, holding on to the back of his shirt as tightly as she could for the fear he would slip away again. He just stood there, looking down at her. She began to wonder why he wasn't holding her back. Either way, she didn't care. It was good to be resting against his chest again. After a long while, she finally found herself pulling away, she looked up into his hard eyes.

"Christ, Rinoa."

"I hate you, Squall!" she spat out, "I fucking hate you."

They both stared into eachothers eyes with immense hate. Neither one of them dared move until Squall couldn't take the tension any longer. He gripped her arms tight and pulled her back into his chest, lowering his head to hers and initiating a furious kiss. He tightened his grip on her arms, knowing he was hurting her but not seeming to care. She whinced against his lips, only driving him to kiss her harder. She was tense, but soon relaxed against him as she wrapped her arms roughly around his neck, pulling his head further down to hers, returning the kiss. They both knew it was out of rage, but neither could hold it back any longer. They needed to feel eachother. And that's all they needed. He thought she knew better, she thought the same. They both thought how eachother knew how much they needed the other and was urging them on.

He nipped her lower lip before sliding his tongue across it and she in turn parted her lips enough to let his tongue slide into her mouth. She allowed her tongue to meet his, before moaning in pleasure against his mouth. She grabbed hold of the front of his shirt and pushed him forward so she could step inside his room and away from prying eyes. She kicked the door shut behind her as they seperated to catch their breath but not being able to look at eachother. He was looking down at her chest, she was looking at the scar the graced his face. Their rage was blinding them.

Squall nudged his nose against her chin, causing her to tilt her head back ever so slightly, but enough for him to trail kisses down the front of her throat and exposing her jugular. Each moan escaping her lips only made him place his kisses harder, urging him on. They weren't the gentle kisses he usually gave her. They were angry with wanting. Gently at first, and then a little harder he bit down on her neck, hard enough to leave a mark. Sucking hard giving her both pleasure and pain before moving around to the side of her neck where he kissed up to and over her ear. Sliding his hands all over her body, he pulled them up and slid them over her cheeks, pulling her into him for another long, angry kiss. She returned the favour with equal anger and passion. Moving his hands back to her hips he looked her directly in the eyes. She shyly looked down and tugged on the bottom of his shirt before lifting it with help from him over his head. She threw it to the floor and looked back at him. Sliding her hands around his belt, she reached the buckle. Placing a kiss on the front of Squall's neck, she felt the moan in her lips before it escaped from his lips as she loosened his belt, letting his pants fall to the ground. Again looking down, Rinoa ran her hands up the front of his thighs to his hips and back down. She glanced up to see as he watched her hands. Slowly she dragged her hand over the crotch of his underwear, feeling he was just as excited and she was. A small smirk played across her lips and she moved her hands down his arms to lace his fingers with her.

With force, she roughly pushed him against the wall, pinning his hands against it. Squall blinked at her, not used to not having the control, she nudged his jaw with her nose reassuringly. Rinoa slowly dropped his hands, allowing them to fall to his sides. He closed his eyes as he felt her run her fingers over the small wound on his cheek, then place a light kiss over the scar between his eyes and when he didn't feel the warmth of her lips any longer he opened his eyes to see her pull her shirt off. Dropping it to the ground she took his hands and pulled them to her hips. Looking down, Squall ran his hands over her hips, running his fingers over the softness of her skin before taking hold of the button of her pants, pulling it open and unzipping them to push them down her legs. Rinoa stepped out of them for him and kicked them away only now feeling embarrassed and exposed. It had been three years, what if he didn't find her attractive anymore? She watched his eyes as they traveled all over her body as if becoming familiar with it again. Squall never forgot it. He knew every freckle, every scar. And he showed her that by tracing his finger over everyone he could reach as if willing them to go away. When he looked back up to her and gave a weary smile, she did the same to him, lingering over the one on his chest. The one that was her fault. She would never forget that day. The one where she thought she had lost him for good. He sensed her sadness and gave another smile to assure her it was okay, before she placed her lips to his chest.

Rinoa only removed her lips when she felt Squalls thumbs hook into the waist of her panties and tug at them gently, pulling her closer. She could feel him through the material of his underwear as he barely grinded against her and she felt herself grinding back against him, hungry for more. She leaned up to kiss over his ear, causing him to tug her underwear down her thighs slightly, just barely exposing her to him. Sliding his hands around to the back of her panties he slid them in, cupping her ass in his hands and pulling her hard against him, causing a moan to escape her lips into his ear. He moved his hands down the back of her thighs, pulling her underwear with them. Closing her eyes, Rinoa moved to press her lips against his shoulder. If he was going to judge her, she couldn't seeing him judge her. Eventually he pushed them low enough that they just fell to the floor and he felt the blood rush to her cheeks and she rested them on his shoulder. Sliding her hands up her back he let the hooks loose on her bra. The only thing holding it in place was his chest.

Squall lovingly brushed his lips against her ear. "You're beautiful, Rin."

Slowly Rinoa dropped back to the soles of her feet and looked up at the man she was still in love with. He smiled back at her and kissed her forehead. Dropping her arms, she allowed him to pull her bra off her arms, leaving her completely exposed for him. Squall slid his rough hands over her stomach, inching his way up to her chest, taking a breast in each hand and cupping them gently. Rinoa moved her arms around his neck, pulling his head down to her chest where he began placing his gentle kisses that took away all of her pain. She slid her fingers through the back of his hair, pulling his head harder to her chest as he took her nipple into his mouth and rolled it with his tongue. She shuddered against him, pulling his hair hard to try and mask her pleasure. Taking it between his teeth, he gently tugged on it as he pulled away.

He layed back against the wall and watched her, beginning to feel self conscious himself as she watched his chest rising and falling with his ruggard breaths. Rinoa looking up at him before looking down again. Nervously she toyed with the front of his underwear before slipping her fingers in and sliding just the tips up the shaft of his penis to the head. Closing his eyes he growled gently for her as she curled her fingers around the base and reached her thumb to rub it around the head. It felt good to have him in her hand. To feel the warmth he was feeling for her and she needed it. She needed him. Slowly she jerked her hand, bringing Squalls lips upon her own as she made him feel things only she could. She didn't want to, but she had to release him so she could take his boxers off. She let them fall to his ankles where his member sprung to full attention for her. Even if he wasn't showing it like he was, his body would always betray him as she had learned in the past.

Taking his hand, Rinoa led him over to his bed and laid back, pulling him on top of her. Resting his knee between her legs, Squall leaned over her. The cold metal of his necklace grazing her chest. She reached up and ran her fingers over the lion before reaching around her own neck. They smiled at eachother as Squall nudged her jaw. The cold metal of Griever was a comfort she missed. She missed the feeling of it grazing her chest as the made love. She missed it and welcomed it back. She needed more of it and only having his knee to grind on wasn't enough. Sliding her hand around to the back of his thighs, she pulled him down to her, the length of his penis sliding down her clit and resting between her legs as his hips met hers.

There was no right or wrong, just emotions. That night he whispered his love for her against her lips. 


	5. Chapter 5

Squalls eyes snapped open, scared she had left him again but surely enough he felt something wriggle in his arms. He looked down and Rinoa cuddled up to him tighter. Slightly confused he jumped back, almost falling from his bed. Rubbing his forehead, he struggled to remember the remains of last night. His leg ached. His whole body ached, but he didn't feel empty like he usaully did. Just spent.

Rinoa sat up and looked at him curiously. "Squall?"

"Shit Rinoa!" Squall yelled as he marched around his room , picking up the clothes of his that he could find. He suddenly felt rather self conscious standing there in front of her in the nude. "Fuck, Rinoa. What are you doing here?" He yelled at her as he pulled on his clothes. He finished and turned, watching the anger fill her eyes. Rage filled her and it wasn't the normal rage he was used to seeing in the past. This time was different. Her eyes turned a shade of grey and she began trembling. "Fuck!"

Rinoa stared back at him with hate. Feeling something she hadn't felt before. Used? After last night she thought something had changed but she could see it was still the same, and he would never change. Fuck Squall Leonheart.

"Fucking hell, Rinoa!"

"No, fuck you Squall!" She finally built up the courage to yell back.

"Why didn't you stop it?"

"Why didn't you stop it?" She asked, throwing his question back in his face. "You had every chance to!"

"Fuck!"

"Don't make it my fault."

Squall shook his head. "That's right, it was never your fault."

Rinoa trembled with emotions. Each one threatening to spill out. She wished she could get out everything she felt, but she couldn't find the words. "Don't make this about you." She whispered.

"Why not? I was the one that went through hell here. You got to go to everything you wanted in life and I was here to fucken try and piece my life back together. Every day wondering if you were okay!" Squall rubbed his temple, wishing the nagging pain in his head to go away.

"You never came after me." Rinoa said as she looked down.

He found his hands clenching into tight fists. "What was I supposed to do? Beg you to come back? You dug your grave, you have to sleep in it."

Frustrated she got up and put her clothes on before she spoke to Squall again. "You can't play the victim this time! It wasn't just about us, there was more to it."

Growling he shook his head. "What do you mean?"

"I was sick of the lie, it never would have changed. You would have rejected me, shunned me and told me to go so I made it easier for you. The fight made it clear to me" She spat back at him in spite.

"Fucking hell, Rinoa! What do you mean?" He yelled, throwing his arm to the side.

Pushing his chest and shoving him back on the bed she yelled at him. "I was pregnant, you bastard! If you paid any attention to me, you would have noticed!"

"Fuck." Squall muttered as he fell on the edge of his bed and buried his face in his hands.

"No, fuck you Squall!" she screamed at him, walking out of his life. This time, she planned for good.

Despite her trying to fight them back, her tears fell anyway and it wasn't long before her hair was matted to her cheeks. Frustratedly she stormed to her room that Cid and graciously allowed her to stay in. She bagan to pack. Well, you couldn't really call it packing. She threw everything she had into her back. What did did she think would happen? She couldn't change him. He wasn't the only one that died that night. She was pregnant when she left. She thought she could handle it but who was she kidding. She ended up having to make the hardest decision of her life without the love of her life. She thought leaving would be the best thing for all of them. Squall, herself and her unborn child. Afterall, Squall made it clear that he never wanted children. He was scared they would end up like him. That's why she never planned on telling him. It just slipped out in her rage. It was always about him and she was sick of it. She finished packing, just in time for her to tremble and shake. She only ever cried like this once before. It felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest again and stamped on. Repeatedly. Somehow she thought that Squall might have changed over the years, but that was only a dream. Her Knight who vowed to protect her was gone and he knew he was beyond coming back.

"Rinoa...?"

She was stupid to think it may have been Squall. Instead she looked to the doorway to be Selphie, and to be honest she was a little disappointed. She had hoped it was her hopeless Knight.

"Are you alright?"

"Fine." she spoke harshly before sighing. "Sorry." Rinoa stood up and wiped the tears from her face.

"Are you going someone?" Selphie asked, sadness clearly etched into her voice.

"I can't stay here Selphie." She shook her head hard.

"Don't leave because of Squall" she rushed over and grabbed her hand. Holding it tight and reassuringly.

Rinoa squeezed her hand back. "It's not just because of Squall, Selphie. We've both become people we never wanted to be, done things we never wanted to do and..."

"But you just got back, Rinny" Selphie cut in.

"I'm sorry..."

"Atleast say goodbye this time?"

Rinoa managed a slight uneasy smile before Selphie laced her fingers with hers and she allowed herself to be pulled out of the room. She loved Selphie. She was like a little sister to her. She honestly didn't know what she would do without her. She stopped and looked down before pulling the small mousey haired girl back into her arms and she hugged her from behind.

"Hey Selphie, thanks for everything."

Squall buried his head deeper in his hands. She left because she was pregnant. How could he not see it? Suddenly he realised it was all there in front of him. She was eating more, sleeping more, moodier than usual. She just wanted him to be around. And she left to protect him. He had just made a terrible mistake. All he wanted was Rinoa and he was letting her slip through his fingers again, but she chose this. She chose to leave and not tell him about the pregnancy. This was all her fault, but was it?

He fell back on the bed and took a deep breath. He could still smell Rinoa as if she were right there beside him. Unexpectantly, he fell asleep.

"Rinoa!" He called running through the thick flowers. "You promised you'd be here!".

He stopped and whipped his head left and right, searching for her. Wanting to see her. Anything. A glimpse. But instead found nothing. The sun was beginning to set and it would soon be dark.

"Rinoa, where are you!" Squall threw his arms down frustratedly and began running around again. A cold wind swept past him and he turned to follow it. Standing behind him was Rinoa, with a child in her arms. His child?

"Rinoa...?" He whispered.

She looked at him, cold and detached and the child much the same but instead of her deep brown eyes, they were his blue ones. He ran towards he as fast as he could, but never seeming to get any closer to her. He stopped as a red stain caught his attention. Blood was pouring out of a large wound in her stomach. Her eyes began to close and he rushed forward to catch her. He fell to his knees as he caught her in his arms, cradeling her head gently.

"Don't die, Rin... I need you."

Rinoa choked on some air trying to speak but couldn't manage the words. She reached to her neck to grab for her necklace but it wasn't there. His ring wasn't there. Mortified she looked up into his eyes, pleading with him for forgiveness.

"Squall, I... love you..."

Squall placed his hand to Rinoas cold cheek and she closed her eyes and she leaned into it. "I love you too. I'm sorry... Don't die."

With that she shuddered before her body fell limp in his arms and the baby stopped crying. He lowered his face to hers and buried his face against her, mourning his loss.

Squall sat bolt upright, sweating and trembling. Something clicked inside him and he realised how much he needed Rinoa. No matter how much she had hurt him. He had to be the one to say sorry and try to make things better. He had never run so fast in his life. He sprinted down the corridor, short on breath but he couldn't stop. Through the girls dorms he ran to be met with nothing. Nothing was out of place. No proof Rinoa was ever there. His worst fear was being realised and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

Next he sprinted to the cafeteria much the way Selphie does and had to stop to catch my breath.

"Where's Rinoa?" He demanded at them all.

"Squall..." they all looked to the ground.

"Where is she?" He asked more urgently. "Tell me!"

"She's gone, man." Zell calmly stated.

She couldn't be gone. And because of him she was leaving. Why was he such a selfish bastard? All along he had only been thinking about himself. What about Rinoa? What did she want? What did she have to go through? It was probably a damn sight more then he went through. He backed away from the table, a sharp unrelenting pain running through his chest. That's when he realised he needed her. Just to function he needed her. Last night had been the only night he had been able to sleep since she left. He had some warmth with him.

He ran. Ran out of Garden and searched. Everywhere he searched for his raven haired sorceress but each place he went there was no hope. Not even her dead-beat dad had laid his eyes on her in years. Days and weeks passed. He was so worn out and close to collapsing for exhaustion. But he had to keep searching. He had to find her. And then he came to the place where they promised to meet if they were ever seperated. For some reason, the last place he expected to find her after everything.

Surely enough, there she was. Staring out to the ocean from the flower plain. Squall was speechless. He just took in her beauty until he found the courage to speak.

"I did come after you..."

She turned and his warm blue eyes were met with her deep brown ones.

"I did come after you when you left... You were just never here"

She closed her eyes, allowing the wind to sway her ever so delicately. "I was here. You were just late."

"I'm here now. And I'm sorry. Rinoa, I'm so sorry. I never thought about hwo you felt when you came back, or while you were gone... I was selfish." He took a step towards her. "I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you. I never stopped thinking about you, Rinoa... I love you."

Rinoa looked to the ground unsure. Her whole body was trembling and he wanted nothing more to rush up and hold her but it had to be her decision. "Please, Rin..."

Tears began to pour from her cheeks and fall to a puddle at her feet. "I love you, Squall. I..."

Nothing more needed to be said. He gathered her up into his arms for an embrace and just held her. Refusing to let her go. He wouldn't let anything bad ever happen to get again. Squall pulled her head to his chest and stroked the back of his hair protectively. "I'm here for you now, Rinoa." She slightly pulled away and looked into his eyes confused. "I'll cut back my hours at work, I'll be here for you always. Like I should have in the first place. It isn't worth losing you."

"Squall, you don't have to..."

"Yes, yes I do. It's done... Why didn't you tell me, Rin?

She looked down. "Because I know how you would react squall. I know you. You would have kicked me out. Resented me. I couldn't handle that."

Kissing the top of her head, regretable he realised he had to ask. "What happened?"

"I thought I could handle it but I couldn't. I thought I could do it all on my own. Like how I didn't need anyone before I met you." Looking down she took a deep breath. "I needed you. I was going to keep her so one day, she could meet her father. Then one day, I was in a lot of pain... I started bleeding. I needed you so much, Squall. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me..."

Again he kissed the top of her head, rubbing her back reassuringly. "Shhh, don't cry, Rin. None of it was your fault."

"I felt so guilty, Squall. And I missed you so much. I just wanted to come back."

He nudged her head, taking in her familiar scent. "I'm glad you did. I'm so glad you came back. You brought me back, Rinoa. Don't leave me, okay?"

She nodded against his chest. "I won't...ever.'

"We can do anything you want Rinoa... I'm not ever leaving you."

She smiled and looked into his eyes. "Anywhere?"

"Rinoa, anywhere you go, I'll follow." He nodded back to her.

Looking down she took his hand and laced her fingers with his.

"I just wanna be with you Squall. As long as you're with me, I'll go anywhere." 


End file.
